Good Enough

“Keep your mind clear, and be alert. Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion as he looks for someone to devour. Be firm in the faith and resist him …” 1 Peter 5:8-9

People think I am this confident woman.  That I am so outgoing and afraid of nothing.  Truth is, I am really good at faking it.  I am almost always terrified and worried people will see through me and know how inadequate I am, or rather how inadequate I feel.Never Let the Noise of the World Around you Drown out God's Word About You. ~ You ARE Good Enough

I have always struggled with this, struggled with feeling good enough for all my life.  Truth be told, I don’t know what good enough is.  If I ever really sat down and thought about what the definition of good enough was, I don’t remember.  All I know, I have never felt good enough.  Because of this I have made bad choices repeatedly.  I am a total self sabotager.  If things are good, I ruin them.  I have done this time and time again in my life.  Why do I seem to always repeat this pattern?  It comes down to one thing, I don’t feel good enough.

I can look back at my life and try to pinpoint the moment when this feeling of not being good enough became so strong, but I honestly can’t remember a time when I didn’t feel that way.  From some of my earliest memories, I remember feeling not good enough.

A moment with my foster mother when I was 5, saying how her children never got sick, but how I had to have weird illnesses.  It seems trivial, but to me, it was I wasn’t as good as her real daughter.  Asking my step-mom if I could start shaving under my arms, (and not telling her it was because the boys at school were making fun me, saying I had more hair under my arms than a monkey on it’s back) and being scolded because I had just gotten a bra and what else would I want.  I can remember going to my room after that statement and just crying, I wasn’t good enough to have my basics needs taken care of (a month later I stole my dad’s razor and shaved my armpits for the first time).

Even as an adult so many moments continued to feed into my not being good enough.  My former in-laws made it clear on so many occasions that I was not good enough.  Not for their son, not to mother my children and not as a person.  I can recall sitting at a Sunday dinner with them, and the conversation of my not calling my (now ex) father and mother-in-laws by Mr and Mrs. (insert surname) came up.  Very quickly my (now ex) brother-in-law pointed out I was only a couple years older than him, and that would be like (insert kid from church here) calling him by his first name, because they weren’t suggesting I call them mom and dad, but by their first names.  That ended the conversation, and I was instructed to continue to call them Mr and Mrs (insert surname).  I wasn’t good enough to be their daughter-in-law.  Even my ex-husband reinforced my feelings of not being good enough, with physical aggression towards me, leaving me more times than I can remember and making sure I knew I wasn’t as good as his mother.

From constant rejection by those who I believed I was supposed to be cherished and loved by I have been “told” I am not good enough.  I have made so many bad choices because of this feeling.  Always striving for someone to show me love, to feel good enough, to be cherished.  But the kicker of feeling this way, the moment I do, I wait for the other shoe to fall, for the situation to change to prove that I am not good enough for this.  If doesn’t, or takes too long, then I do what I always do, I make sure to sabotage myself.  This has been a vicious circle in my life and I have allowed it to be my pattern simply because I let the enemy win and didn’t listen to God.  Yes, it is really that simple when it comes down to it.

“You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you.” John 15:16

God says I am loved, I am good enough to be loved, I am chosen, I am adored, I am his.  No one else should ever matter more than that.  I allowed myself to let the enemy in by taking the words and actions of men, mere mortals and let them fester in my heart.  I pushed God and his truths out by allowing my heart to hold onto the hurt and letting it take root in my very being.  I became what the enemy wanted me to become instead of the woman Christ says I am, loved, adored, cherished.  I allowed myself to be filled with doubt, fear, bitterness and self loathing.

“God’s Spirit makes us loving, happy, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled. There is no law against behaving in any of these ways.” Galatians 5:22-23

Until the last few years, I have never truly experienced a kind love, a love that didn’t judge me, a love that accepted me.  Through this love, I am learning to feel good enough.  I am not there yet, but I know that when the enemy tells me I’m not, he is wrong.  While my husband and parents in-law can’t love me like Christ loves me, they give me a glimpse of what God’s love looks like.  The love without judgement, the love that never says you are not good enough.

“So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,” Ephesians 5:28-29

God Says I am Good Enough, God Says You Are Good Enough

“Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” – Ephesians 3:17-19

“The LORD appeared to him from afar, saying, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness.” – Jeremiah 31:3

“But you are A CHOSEN RACE, A royal PRIESTHOOD, A HOLY NATION, A PEOPLE FOR God’s OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;” – 1 Peter 2:9

I Almost Lost my Super Power

I am a breastfeeding mom.  I believe in the power of breast milk.  So much so that even though Courtney is not allowed to nurse from me directly (see My Baby has Severe Reflux, Aspirating as She Eats), I pump several times a day to make sure she has mommy milk to eat.  Courtney is my 6th child.  I nursed each on of my kids.  Carson was the most successful nurser of all of the kids.  He wouldn’t take a bottle or a paci, just mommy. Which truth be told, SUCKED.  I couldn’t leave the house for more than 2 hours at a time without him.  When I got pregnant with Courtney my milk went down a little, but he was eating foods and did great.  At 4 months pregnant my doctor told me I had to stop nursing, that I had all ready been nursing for too long, so when Carson was 11 months old we got him completely off of me and on straw cups.  I had made enough milk the entire time he was nursing, and I had always made enough milk with the others as well, actually with them I made too much milk.  So when Courtney came along I never worried about my milk supply.

Through the first 6 to 8 weeks of her life Courtney was breastfed from me and the bottle.  I had more than enough milk to meet her daily requirements and to start freezing milk for future use.  By the time she was 6 weeks old, I had stopped freezing milk because I had 40 ounces separated out and frozen.  When we discovered that she was silently aspirating and that she had to start having all her milk thickened and in a bottle, I didn’t think that my milk supply woudl suffer. But hey what did I know, I had never had to do this before.

After a month of solely pumping, I noticed my milk supply was diminishing.  I wasn’t having let downs and I was struggling to get even 14 ounces a day.  We quickly went through the frozen supply of milk and had nothing left but some formula her Gastro gave us in case we needed to try something.  (Courtney is allergic or intolerant to cows milk – see MSPI Here We Go Again) She HATED the formula, she just decided to stop drinking it all together and would just not eat.  Well I started to freak out that my daughter was not getting enough nourishment and the research began.

I found several options to help increase my milk supply, a couple “natural” methods and one medical intervention, well pharmaceutical intervention.  So off to GNC and a call to my doctor later…. My milk supply is back, to the tune of freezing 8 ounces plus per day.  Yes I am stock piling breast milk.  If I can make sure to have enough milk to take care of her, then I will do whatever it takes.

What I did:

The natural route mixed with the pharmaceutical route –

Natural – Fenugreek and Mother’s Milk Tea – both available at GNC

I started on the Fenugreek at 2 capsules 3 times a day, nothing really happened for the first two days, but on day three I ended up in the bathroom overnight with tummy troubles.  Yeah, so I adjusted the dose for me to 1 pil twice a day and 2 pills once a day.  For a total of 4 pills per day.

Mother’s Milk tea, one cup in the morning and one cup towards the end of the day.

For more information on both of these, do a Google search and you will find a ton of information.  I am just telling you what I did.

Now for the Medical Part

Reglan – I am taking 10mg 3 times a day – after 24 hours, I saw a HUGE increase in my milk supply.  Since Reglan does have some pretty severe side effects, if you get them, I won’t be staying on it long term, but rather switching to Domperidone.  You can get it without a prescription through several online pharmacies out of New Zealand.  Both of these drugs I have taken before at the direction of my gastro, so I wasn’t afraid to take them again.  I don’t have side effects from Reglan, but since it does cross the blood brain barrier, I feel safer taking the Domperidone.  Your OB should know about both of these drugs and be able to prescribe them for you.  I will tell you that the Domperidone is NOT FDA approved in the states and is a compound drug.  Years ago I used to have to take it and it cost an arm and a  leg in the states, but if you buy it over seas it is considerably cheaper.


Before Baby Body – Here I Come

Aunesty JanssenAfter having two babies in less than two years, and taking a lot of steroids through the pregnancies, I have some hard work ahead of me to lose the weight and get back in shape.  With Courtney only being 4 months old (in a week), I feel like I have done good so far.  I am down to the weight I was when I got pregnant with her, but I am still 25 pounds heavier than when I got pregnant with Carson.  So it is time to start getting serious about the weight loss and the shaping of my body.  I really want to get back in my jeans and to be able to wear a bathing suit this summer without being self conscious.

I know part of the problem is I am still breast feeding, and I am NOT one of those women who loses weight while nursing.  Nope not me, I am typically hungrier while nursing then I was when I was pregnant.  Now I do know I am one of those women who loses a whole mess of weight as soon as I stop nursing.  But since that is still at least 7 months or more away, I have to start doing something now.  I hate going into my closet and not having anything to wear and I refuse to buy clothes for the size now, which I will share below.  And yes I still have all my maternity clothes, and the sad thing is, they all fit funny.  My breasts are HUGE now and so none of my nice maternity tops will fit over them, or button up.  The only pair of maternity jeans that fit well, meaning they don’t fall off or they aren’t too baggy all over, are my Gap maternity jeans, which I still wear.  Patrick gives me a hard time, saying you can’t tell how much weight I have lost because I always wear big and baggy too large tops.  He is right, I do.  But they are comfortable and I enjoy hiding in them.

Here are my excuses for the next couple of months:

  1. I am having surgery – See my Life As i Know It – Post
    • This will require me to eat liquids and pudding consistency foods for a few weeks (not low cal here)
    • I will be down for at least 2 weeks meaning no working out
  2. Sleep – Rather lack there of on nights when Carson keeps us up (Courtney sleeps all night – 10 hours every night)
  3. Work – I had to work on this site or that….
  4. Lazy – I just want to lay here and watch tv or read or listen to a book on tape

Out of these excuses the only one I can legitimately get away with is the first one.  But in my upcoming posts, I will just simply put a number at which excuse I will try to use to justify not working out.  I hope several of you will call me on it.

The Plan:

  • Eat 1200 – 1500 calories a day – Make a food diary to track my caloric intake – share it so I can be held accountable
  • Workout – Cardio for 15 minutes, Strength for 15 minutes, Stretching for 15 minutes –  3 x’s a week for the first three weeks

I am choosing to be completely transparent about the whole process primarily because I think it will keep me on track, but also because I know I am not the only mom trying to get her pre-baby body back.  So I am going to share the numbers, which I still can’t believe I am going to do.  But after all they are just numbers and the only person whose opinion on my size and shape that truly matters to me is Pat’s and I know he loves me and thinks I am beautiful.  I kid with him though, that he has too because I gave him two babies.  But in all honesty (ha ha ha), I know he still finds me beautiful, (well when I am showered at least 😉 – mom of toddler and baby humor) – and I know that if I never lost another ounce he would still think I am beautiful.  This is for me, I want to get back to my shape and size because I feel better physically and emotionally when I am thinner and in shape.  If anyone reading this blog is trying to lose weight and get in shape for reasons other than your own happiness then you are doing it for the wrong reasons.

So here we go:

Aunesty Janssen

Me Before Cancer 2001

Aunesty Janssen

Me Before Carson and Courtney


Pre Cancer – 150 pounds – Size 8 – 10

Pre Carson and Courtney – My Goal –

  • Moved to Omaha at 165 pounds size 10
  • Got pregnant with Carson at 175 pounds size 10-12, larges were baggy and XL were for sleeping in


  • Weight – 190 pounds
  • Size – 14 – XL are baggy enough 2XL’s are great for hiding in


Pregnant with Carson – End weight 232

Pregnant with Courtney – End Weight 221

And Today

Aunesty Janssen

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Tinkerbell Font

So after searching high and low, I finally found two fonts that are perfect for projects centered around Tinkerbell or Pixies.  It seems many people like to use Curly fonts for a good replacement to a Tinkerbell font, with akaFrivolity being the favorite.  But I happened upon a wonderful font that seems to be the closest thing to the actual Tinkerbell font.  You can download them both below.  Enjoy!

Tinkerbell FontTinkerbell Font

Make a Little Girls Tulle Tutu – No Sew Tutorial

Since I now have a baby girl that will let me dress her up how ever I want, of course the tutu’s are coming back out!  So I thought I would share a no sew tutu tutorial with my readers today.  Also all the items required to make this tutu are on sale right now at Hobby Lobby!  Seriously they are all HALF off!  So one tutu is less than $5 to make!


  • One Roll of Tulle – 12 – 25 yards
  • Pre-Made Headbands  or One Roll of head band ribbon (not sure what else to call it) – see picture
  • A Ruler and A Pair of Scissors

tulle tutu materials

Depending on how long you want your tutu, cut your strips of tulle.  Be sure to double the size of the desired length.  For Courtney I wanted her tutu’s a little long, so I went for 10″, which meant that I cut 20″ strips, roughly 15 strips – it all depends on how “fluffy” you want your tutu tutorialNext you will take one tulle strip and stick it in one of the holes in the headband, pull through until it is even and knot.  For thinner tutu’s pull one strip of tulle through every other hole going in a straight line all the way around.  For a thicker tutu, you can pull through every hole in a straight line or even do multiple lines.

baby girl tutu tutorial

Variations include multi- color tutu’s.  Just alternate your color choices as you pull through.  There you go, so simple and so cute!

Courtney Reikofski

Note – If you decide to use the head band ribbon material instead of pre-made headbands, then cut to desired to size and take a ribbon and weave the two pieces together.

Labor Inducing Foods

Labor Inducing FoodsIf you have ever been nine months pregnant, then you know how miserable it can be.  Like many pregnant woman, I have done just about everything to naturally induce labor.  The one thing I just can’t get myself to do is the whole castor oil thing.  The thought makes me gag… But I digress…. I see many posts where women who are in the misery inducing final month of pregnancy are asking what ways can I try to start labor.  Well as I am ending my sixth, yes 6th, pregnancy, I thought I would share all the various ways that I have heard or tried.  In this post I am only going to discuss the food options, I go into the non-food labor inducing techniques or wives tales in another post, which you can read here.

So onward to labor recipes, herbs, foods, and teas….

Scalinis Labor Inducing Eggplant ParmesanWe have all heard of the infamous Eggplant Parmesan that induces labor.  It all stems from Scalini’s in Atlanta, where over 300 babies have been born within 48 hours of their mothers eating their Eggplant Parmesan.  (checkout their baby photo wall and mother to be page)  So they post their famous recipe on their site, but I thought I would make life easier for you and just give it to you here. – Labor Inducing Eggplant Parmesan Recipe – PLEASE leave a comment if you make this and it works.  We love hearing labor stories!

Honey Garlic Angel Hair PastaSince I am not a fan of eggplant, I just can’t stomach this particular meal, but I did a little more research and found that the “reason” they say these women go into labor after eating this particular dish, is the oregano and basil.  Well I LOVE Italian food, so I got to thinking that this should work for other Italian style dishes, and with my last pregnancy, I ate several helpings of Honey-Garlic Angel Hair Pasta in the final days before labor began. – Honey-Garlic Angel Hair Pasta Recipe

Labor Inducing CookiesNow one that I personally loved, and have several funny stories from is the Labor Inducing Cookies.  Now I happened to really like these cookies, but I can’t say the rest of my family did.  They taste just like a ginger snap until about 30 seconds after your bite, then you get the heat from the cayenne pepper.  If spice is your trigger, than these little bad boys may do the trick for you.  So without further ado – Jump Start Your Labor Cookie Recipe – or otherwise known as – Labor Inducing Cookie Recipe – ENJOY!


Now I am sure there are many more recipes out there, and I would love to hear about them, just let us know and we will add them to our site.  Good luck to all the pregnant moms reading this blog, hope these help to get things moving in the right direction.

Labor Inducing Teas

Red Raspberry Leaf Tea – now this won’t put you in labor, rather this will only help to strengthen your uterine muscles, making your contractions more effective during labor and it helps your uterus shrink back to it’s normal size after your baby is born as well.  For this tea to really be effective, you need to drink at least 16 oz of it a day.  While this may not sound like too difficult of a task, I mean red raspberry tea, should be good right.  This is NOT raspberry flavored tea, but the leaves of the raspberry plant.  NOT the same thing at all.  This tea has a very earthy taste and if you don’t like that flavor, then I suggest buying honey or sugar to sweeten this up so you can stomach it.  Now one thing I did do is mix one bag of mint tea to every two bags of Raspberry Leaf Tea and I prefer honey in my tea instead of sugar.  Tastes great to me like this.  I suggest you play with it to find what works with your palette best.

Cinnamon Tea – Now this is one tea that is definitely easily palatable for many.  Techinicaly they say it is the cinnamon bark that you need to make tea out of – that is fine with me!  If you were to mix this with the raspberry leaf tea, then you would have a double whammy at inducing labor.  To make the cinnamon tea, simply poor boiling water over 2 cinnamon sticks.  Easy Peasy

If you are looking for more natural ways to induce labor then please read our Natural Ways to Induce Labor post for more ideas, tips and wives tales.